{"id":419,"date":"2022-12-05T12:58:00","date_gmt":"2022-12-05T12:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/stop-telling-women-that-confidence-is-the-solution-to-their-money-problems\/"},"modified":"2025-09-03T18:57:48","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T18:57:48","slug":"stop-telling-women-that-confidence-is-the-solution-to-their-money-problems","status":"publish","type":"essays","link":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/essays\/stop-telling-women-that-confidence-is-the-solution-to-their-money-problems\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Telling Women that \u201cConfidence\u201d is the Solution to Their Financial Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"sqs-html-content\" data-sqsp-text-block-content>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">When I first began making the rounds on the amateur podcast circuit as \u201cMoney with Katie,\u201d I heard the same question posed with almost comic repetition:<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">\u201cWhy do you think women lack financial <em>confidence<\/em>?\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><em>Oh, gee, Eric, I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe because we\u2019ve been told our entire lives that we\u2019re bad at math and our male parent or partner should handle it for us?<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">I kid, I kid. (But not really.) Women asked me this question, too, and if I\u2019m being honest, I\u2019ve probably asked it of others, accepting the question\u2019s basic premise (that women lack confidence) as an inescapable fact. That if we could just get these insecure ladies to girlboss up and lean in, a lot of these imagined barriers would evaporate.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">We see this type of language everywhere:&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Women aren\u2019t confident investors (I\u2019ve even <a href=\"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/blog\/7incw4yja1lzwfygrvk3sttwww6zbs\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">covered<\/span><\/a> this one myself, regrettably)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Women aren\u2019t negotiating well enough (or \u201cenough\u201d in general)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">If women were more confident in the workplace, they\u2019d shrink the wage <em>and<\/em> the wealth gap&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Basically, it\u2019s <em>your<\/em> fault, Carol.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">There\u2019s just one problem with this accounting of the problem: The underlying premise is a second-order effect, rather than a cause.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">We\u2019re talking about the way we\u2014as a society\u2014conceptualize women, their ~problems~ in the workplace, and stunted wealth-building as consequences of <strong>personal esteem<\/strong> and <strong>performative self-regard<\/strong>, rather than issues with the way we collectively <em>perceive and socialize women<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">It\u2019s a convenient explanation, to be sure; \u201cjust teach women to negotiate\u201d or \u201ctell women to simply be more confident with their money\u201d feels like a sensible, tangible solution.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">The myth of the passive woman<\/h2>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">\u201cConfidence\u201d as the solution for the gender-based disparity in outcomes places the responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the disadvantaged group (in this case, women).&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">I know, I know. I can feel some of you rolling your eyes. The modern woman of today has a lot less to complain about than, say, the (white) woman of a hundred years ago in 1922 when we had just been granted the right to vote.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">And while we\u2019ve definitely come a long way, to suggest we\u2019ve achieved total equality now (even 100 years later) would be a farce. Women still <a href=\"https:\/\/www.census.gov\/library\/stories\/2022\/03\/what-is-the-gender-wage-gap-in-your-state.html\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">earn less<\/span><\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.stlouisfed.org\/publications\/in-the-balance\/2021\/gender-wealth-gap-families-women-lower-wealth\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">own less<\/span><\/a> than their male counterparts\u2014and if popular financial advice is to be believed, it\u2019s because <em>women just aren\u2019t confident enough to \u201cget theirs!\u201d&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">But the idea that \u201cwomen are underpaid simply because they aren\u2019t negotiating as hard as men\u201d has been repeatedly refuted in the data; this <a href=\"https:\/\/pubsonline.informs.org\/doi\/10.1287\/mnsc.2014.1994\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">2014 study<\/span><\/a> found that when job postings stated wages were negotiable, there was no observable difference between men and women\u2019s likelihood to negotiate. And this Harvard Business Review <a href=\"https:\/\/hbr.org\/2018\/06\/research-women-ask-for-raises-as-often-as-men-but-are-less-likely-to-get-them\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">piece<\/span><\/a> from 2018 explores research that finds women are <em>just as likely<\/em> to ask for a raise as men are, but <em>less likely to receive one<\/em>, on average.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Artz, Goodall, and Oswald report: \u201cEven we were surprised by the results. We had expected to find less asking by the females. Instead, we found that, holding background factors constant, women ask for a raise just as often as men, but men are more likely to be successful. Women who asked obtained a raise 15% of the time, while men obtained a pay increase 20% of the time. While that may sound like a modest difference, over a lifetime it really adds up.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Now, unless you\u2019re a card-carrying misogynist, which explanation for this phenomenon sounds more reasonable?&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ol data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Men on the aggregate level are just 33% better at their jobs than women.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">The 33% difference in outcomes can be attributed to a subconscious but pernicious belief<em> <\/em>in (a).&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Negotiating. Investing. #GRINDING. Women just lack confidence, you know? Girl, stop apologizing!<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><em>Sigh.<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Now, I don\u2019t dispute that women may <em>actually<\/em> self-report lower levels of personal confidence than men\u2014I\u2019d just argue that there\u2019s a readily available explanation for that, and it\u2019s not some innate feminine lack of belief in oneself.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Impostor syndrome is learned<\/h2>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Could it be that decades of systemic exclusion and bias have subtly trained women that their contributions are less valuable? As Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey <a href=\"https:\/\/hbr.org\/2021\/02\/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">write<\/span><\/a>, we need to \u201cfix bias, not women.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Because even if women <em>were<\/em> the problem, the advice to be more assertive at work <a href=\"https:\/\/www.newyorker.com\/science\/maria-konnikova\/lean-out-the-dangers-for-women-who-negotiate\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">doesn\u2019t work for women<\/span><\/a> the way it works for men. <a href=\"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/bowles.pdf\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">Four different studies<\/span><\/a> from Harvard and Carnegie Mellon found that people \u201cpenalized women more than men for attempting to negotiate for higher compensation.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">It didn\u2019t matter whether the negotiation was in-person or on video or on paper; whether they were the hiring manager themselves or a third-party, objective viewer. Even <em>women<\/em> viewed the women who asked for more money less favorably.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Female exceptionalism is not a solution<\/h2>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Sheryl Sandberg writes in <em>Lean In<\/em>, \u201cMen have an easier time finding the mentors and sponsors who are invaluable for career progression. Plus, women have to prove themselves to a far greater extent than men do. And this is not just in our heads. A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential while women are promoted based on past accomplishments.\u201d Cool. So we\u2019re acknowledging that women aren\u2019t the problem! I\u2019m glad you agree, Sheryl.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Then,<em> just a few paragraphs later<\/em>, she takes all-but-full responsibility for it: \u201cThroughout my life, I was told over and over about inequalities in the workplace and how hard it would be to have a career and family. I rarely heard anything, however, about <strong>the ways I might hold myself back<\/strong>.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><em>Facepalm. <\/em>It\u2019s a very bootstrap-y approach to bias: \u201cJust be so likable, confident, and charismatic\u2014<em>so good at your job<\/em>\u2014that they\u2019ll have no choice but to pay you equally!\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">The question we fail to ask when we assume all the personal responsibility for our outcomes is, \u201c<em>Should<\/em> I have to work 20% harder than the guy sitting in the cubicle next to mine to be paid the same amount?\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Sure, you <em>can<\/em> do that\u2014that <em>might<\/em> be a solution. And hey, maybe after a few decades of this collective overperformance, women and men will be regarded with the same level of <em>externally<\/em> bestowed confidence.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">But is that really where we want this story to end? Doing more than half the work for less than half the pie and calling it progress?&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.vox.com\/21334880\/protest-womens-suffrage-emily-wilding-davison-british\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">Emily Wilding Davison<\/span><\/a> didn\u2019t throw herself under King George V\u2019s racehorse 100 years ago at the Epsom Derby for the right to vote just so we could plan all the office birthday parties and overcompensate for our undercompensation.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Pushing back on crusty old narratives<\/h2>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">One of the most pernicious aspects of bias is that <em>you<\/em> can hold implicit biases against a group <em>you\u2019re part of.<\/em>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">(Remember 5 minutes ago when we noted that the studies found that even <em>women<\/em> found other women more unlikeable when they asked for more money?)<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">The only way to change norms is to push on them\u2014even if it\u2019s uncomfortable. <em>Especially<\/em> if it\u2019s uncomfortable. I\u2019d wager most of the cognitive dissonance you\u2019ll experience <em>won\u2019t<\/em> stem from confronting others, but will crop up when you notice your <em>own<\/em> biases\u2014a process that happens naturally as you become more attuned to subtly sexist language (e.g., a man is more likely to be called \u201cdirect\u201d or \u201cassertive,\u201d while a woman behaving in exactly the same way is more likely to be classified as \u201cbitchy\u201d or \u201caggressive\u201d).<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">There are respectful, productive tactics for pushing back on undesired norms. I learned in an unconscious bias course a few years ago that one great way is to simply ask someone to <strong>elaborate<\/strong>. \u201cIt\u2019s interesting you say Susan is aggressive; what makes you say that? She seems really direct to me, which is a quality I know we value on this team.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">And if you find that you\u2019re being held back by a culture that\u2019s simply too entrenched to change, sometimes it\u2019s better to cut and run sooner rather than later\u2014working for a company that walks the talk can make all the difference.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">Moreover, if you identify with a \u201clearned sense of helplessness\u201d or a \u201clearned lack of confidence,\u201d you know what they say: Knowledge is power. If you\u2019re reading this blog, it means you probably know more about personal finance than you think. With more education comes more (rightfully deserved!) confidence and self-assuredness that can help counterbalance all those times in middle school when someone told you that you \u201cweren\u2019t very good at math.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"\" style=\"white-space:pre-wrap;\">I don\u2019t want my future daughter to live in a world where she has to work <a href=\"https:\/\/hbr.org\/2022\/07\/stop-undervaluing-exceptional-women\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"text-decoration:underline\">twice as hard<\/span><\/a> to get half as far.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I first began making the rounds on the amateur podcast circuit as \u201cMoney with Katie,\u201d I heard the same question posed with almost comic repetition: \u201cWhy do you think women lack financial confidence?\u201d&nbsp; Oh, gee, Eric, I don\u2019t know\u2014maybe because we\u2019ve been told our entire lives that we\u2019re bad at math and our male [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":2492,"template":"","meta":[],"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-419","essays","type-essays","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feminism"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Stop Telling Women that \u201cConfidence\u201d is the Solution to Their Financial Problems - Money with Katie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/essays\/stop-telling-women-that-confidence-is-the-solution-to-their-money-problems\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Stop Telling Women that \u201cConfidence\u201d is the Solution to Their Financial Problems - Money with Katie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When I first began making the rounds on the amateur podcast circuit as \u201cMoney with Katie,\u201d I heard the same question posed with almost comic repetition: \u201cWhy do you think women lack financial confidence?\u201d&nbsp; 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