{"id":236,"date":"2021-11-29T13:28:00","date_gmt":"2021-11-29T13:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/how-we-combined-finances-for-marriage\/"},"modified":"2025-08-29T16:45:43","modified_gmt":"2025-08-29T16:45:43","slug":"how-we-combined-finances-for-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/how-we-combined-finances-for-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"How We Combined Finances for Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I go into much greater detail about marital finances (and the legal considerations therein!) in Chapter 4<\/strong> of Rich Girl Nation<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>\u201cI Thee Wed (and Spend Thy Bread.\u201d If you\u2019re interested in the full deep dive on money for couples, pick up a copy.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

Every time I post one of my monthly budget breakdowns, I inevitably get the same question:<\/p>\n

\n

Is this just for you, or for you and your husband? <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Then, the follow-up: <\/p>\n

\n

How come you two haven\u2019t combined finances yet?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And while I wish I had a juicier, more sinister answer for you, the truth is: Inertia. <\/p>\n

My husband and I are 28 and 26, respectively, and we\u2019ve both been managing our own money for several years. He had a system that worked for him, and I had a system that worked for me.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t help that we had lived together for about a year before getting married: We had the \u201croommates splitting expenses\u201d thing down, making it even easier to carry on with the status quo post-nuptials. <\/p>\n

Why we decided to combine our finances<\/h2>\n

We went back and forth for a while (pre-marriage) about what type of system would make the most sense for us: Initially, we thought a \u201cyours, mine, and ours\u201d play might work, wherein we\u2019d both contribute some money to the metaphoric pot for joint expenses but then hang onto the rest of our income individually. <\/p>\n

That sounded good in theory pre-marriage, but after legally binding ourselves together until death, we felt that \u2013 for us<\/em> \u2013 it just felt like a more complicated version of the \u201croommates who split everything\u201d plan we were currently enacting. What\u2019s the point of adding an intermediary step where we both put money in the same account if we\u2019re just putting in our respective halves of the costs we\u2019re already splitting? <\/p>\n

After we legally tied ourselves together, the idea of trying to keep things separate just didn\u2019t seem as important. (That\u2019s not a recommendation, so please don\u2019t take it as such. It just reflects the reality of how we both felt after saying, \u201cI do.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Before long, the inertia that kept us splitting things and maintaining separate systems started to cause more annoyance than seamlessness. <\/p>\n

(And by \u201clong,\u201d I mean about 5 months.) <\/p>\n

Keeping track of who paid for what and sending Venmo requests back and forth felt like we were just shuffling the same money back and forth in an obnoxious game of Monopoly, because \u2013 we both acknowledged \u2013 we consider our assets shared now. <\/p>\n

In other words: If everything I own is now his and vice versa, then who cares who paid for groceries and who paid the electric bill? It\u2019s all \u201cours\u201d anyway.<\/p>\n

The frustration of having to maintain creative accounting for seemingly no reason is what pushed us to make the decision: Are we financially aligned, or not?<\/p>\n

Fortunately, we had a lot of conversations well before we were engaged about our goals. <\/p>\n

Our goals? Retire from traditional work as millionaires in our early 30s and figure it out (when we set that goal, we had no idea how we were going to do it yet, but we knew that\u2019s what we wanted). <\/p>\n

Neither one of us has a spending issue, neither one of us has any debt, and we both came into the marriage with (coincidentally) near-equal assets. <\/p>\n

It was a relatively easy conversation, then, when we were determining whether or not we should combine. <\/p>\n

Questions to ask yourself when deciding whether to combine finances<\/h2>\n

I\u2019d say these are the general questions you want to consider:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Is either partner coming in with significantly more wealth or significantly more debt?<\/strong> If so, is that information fully known between you? How do you each feel about that? Some couples are cool with helping one another pay off debt; others would prefer not to commingle finances in that situation. <\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Do you want the same things? <\/strong>If one of you plans to stop working at 30 to start a peach stand on the side of the road and the other wants to be a corporate attorney until they\u2019re 65, it\u2019s probably good to share that information upfront. If one or both people have plans to stop working at some point, it\u2019s worth discussing that upfront \u2013 the obvious question being, \u201cAre you cool with your income supporting us if I stop working, or should I plan to build up savings of my own to live on during that time?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Do you approach money the same way? <\/strong>You don\u2019t have to have identical money philosophies, but it\u2019s helpful to be aware of where the differences lie. As hard as it may be to believe, my spouse is more frugal than I am. He loves getting things cheaply (or for free) and \u2013 as financially conscious as I\u2019d consider myself \u2013 I\u2019m far more willing to pay for convenience than he is. Though, importantly, he\u2019s open to those types of conversations (for example, he agreed to the cleaning professionals and chef service, despite having little to no interest in it himself). <\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    All right, back to my situation: once we had decided to combine, then what?<\/p>\n

    How we started the (tactical) process of combining finances<\/h2>\n

    I can\u2019t remember if we had ever explicitly discussed it when we were dating, but there was always a chance one of us would earn more than the other. My husband is an attorney with a higher earning potential because of his career path, but I gave myself an edge by working a corporate job and starting a business at the same time. <\/p>\n

    While some people are concerned about out-earning their partner, I have a feeling my spouse and I will trade off in the income department. Sometimes he\u2019ll make more, and sometimes I\u2019ll make more.<\/p>\n

    The respective incomes (in our case) didn\u2019t really factor into the equation, mostly because (as stated above) we approach money the same way and have the same goal. <\/p>\n

    Put simply: Our interests are aligned. <\/p>\n

    It sounds cheesy, but I consider us a team striving for the same goal, and because of that, we determined the first step was opening a joint checking account.<\/p>\n

    Step #1: Open a joint checking account<\/h2>\n

    Once we opened the joint checking account, the idea was that we\u2019d both switch our W2 direct deposits to the new account, so all new income is flowing into one shared pot. <\/p>\n

    (Money with Katie\u2019s business income would go into a separate business checking account and be handled separately.)<\/p>\n

    What about combining all the other funds?<\/h3>\n

    Remember how I said we each maintained our own financial lives for years? That means we both own an array of investing accounts. Rather than trying to go through the cumbersome process of selling and transferring assets around, we decided to simply add each other as the beneficiaries on one another\u2019s accounts, and then start anew together. <\/p>\n

    This means we retained control of our respective investments (he dabbles in cryptocurrency and I do not, for example) that we obtained prior to getting married (and, I suppose, for 5 months after).<\/p>\n

    If there were a seamless way to combine all of it, we would\u2019ve \u2013 but when you\u2019re talking about a dozen separate individual investing accounts, it would\u2019ve been more trouble (and more of a tax bill) than it\u2019s worth. <\/p>\n

    So there you have it: Opening our first real joint account and re-routing our W2 paychecks was step #1. <\/p>\n

    Step #2: Open a joint taxable brokerage account<\/h2>\n

    We both have our respective retirement accounts (that can\u2019t be joint, because they\u2019re legally designed to be \u201cindividual\u201d), but the majority of our investing each month happens in a taxable brokerage account (no contribution limits, baby!). <\/p>\n

    Rather than continuing to contribute to our respective individual brokerage accounts, we decided to open a new one. We had a conversation about asset allocation and basically settled on the equity strategy we were both comfortable with and set it up in the account. <\/p>\n

    For example, with Betterment, you can set your joint investing account that is based on your goals. Just tell them your goal type, provide a little information, and they will handle the rest! Any cash that\u2019s contributed will be automatically distributed appropriately (here\u2019s an article<\/a> about how to set up joint accounts within Betterment and the ins and outs of joint accounts).<\/p>\n

    Every month, our money breaks down like this:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \n

      Expenses<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

    2. \n

      Contribute the maximum to retirement accounts (his TSP, my 401(k), my Mega Backdoor Roth IRA)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

    3. \n

      Contribute any excess to the joint taxable brokerage account<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      That brings me to step #3\u2026<\/p>\n

      Step #3: Set up the partner spending plan to align on expense goals<\/h2>\n

      Ah, the most fun part (genuinely) \u2013 filling out a Wealth Planner<\/a> together<\/em>!<\/p>\n

      His boring black-and-white spreadsheet is replaced by a pink, graph-laden miracle of a Google Sheet. Isn\u2019t he so lucky?<\/p>\n

      For a lot of our expenses, it was easy \u2013 rather than both allotting $1,500 to rent, we just allotted for $3,000. <\/p>\n

      For others, we had to discuss what we were comfortable spending. For example, we both had individual travel budgets, but now that we were combining, we had to be comfortable with the fact that sometimes one of us would be traveling without the other and would be using a joint budget to pay for it. <\/p>\n

      (To be honest, this is still something that makes me feel a little bit funny \u2013 even though intellectually I know we\u2019re a team, the idea of my partner using our income to pay for a boys\u2019 trip bugs me a little. This is why money is so interesting \u2013 you can decide intellectually that you\u2019re comfortable with something, but your emotions in the moment might say something different.)<\/p>\n

      We decided to allot \u201cindividual\u201d budgets into the joint budget. In other words, we each get $150\u2013$200 per month of \u201cno questions asked\u201d money to spend on whatever we want. One of us wants to go out to eat but the other doesn\u2019t want to spend our restaurant budget that night? Cool! Use your \u201cno questions asked\u201d money. <\/p>\n

      It\u2019s something we decided to bake in so we wouldn\u2019t have to consensually agree to every single purchase. If he wants to buy new boots, I don\u2019t have to worry about where that money\u2019s coming from. I would<\/em> recommend baking in some monthly spending money for each individual that isn\u2019t necessarily part of a \u201cjoint\u201d budget. <\/p>\n

      And on that note\u2026<\/p>\n

      Step #4: Retain some individual funds in personal checking or savings for the beginning<\/h2>\n

      For us, we both had some cash on hand (about $9,000 in a savings account for me). <\/p>\n

      Rather than retroactively combining existing funds, we decided to just apply our new system to every dollar that came in moving forward.<\/p>\n

      This meant we each had some cash available to us in our individual accounts from our \u201cold\u201d system, which made me feel comfortable as a bit of a buffer. For example, the capsule wardrobe that set me back $1,100 in one day last month? I would’ve wanted to use my own personal funds for that. <\/p>\n

      Long-term, I\u2019m not sure if that\u2019s something we\u2019ll just get more comfortable with. I can\u2019t imagine being 20 years into marriage and still being like, \u201cAh, I gotta use my personal savings for this purchase!\u201d Eventually, I think it probably all just starts to feel like joint money. <\/p>\n

      Growing up, my parents definitely discussed big purchases (and sometimes one ended up putting their foot down). My parents are still together and retired in their fifties (not that their financial approach is the reason why, but it worked for them). <\/p>\n

      In summary: We set up a new system of combined finances for moving forward, but didn\u2019t retroactively combine accounts<\/h2>\n

      The crucial thing to note here is that we\u2019re still treating these accounts as joint property, even though the physical funds haven\u2019t been literally combined under one digital roof. <\/p>\n

      This means that when we do our net worth checks, we\u2019re now counting a joint net worth (composed of his original assets, my original assets, and our new joint assets) and considering the entire pot shared. <\/p>\n

      This is another thing that \u201cfeels\u201d a little strange to me as an only child who was never good at sharing, but again, because we came in with nearly equal assets, it\u2019s really like I\u2019m doubling my money via marriage. Cool, right? Love that for me!<\/p>\n

      All that to say: I don\u2019t blame you if you\u2019re coming into a partnership with significantly more (or significantly less) and feeling weird about it. What\u2019s important is expressing that you\u2019re feeling weird to your partner in a sensitive way, and being transparent at each step in the process. <\/p>\n

      And who knows? Maybe after being married to me long enough, my husband will decide to be a personal finance blogger, too. A girl can dream.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      I go into much greater detail about marital finances (and the legal considerations therein!) in Chapter 4 of Rich Girl Nation, \u201cI Thee Wed (and Spend Thy Bread.\u201d If you\u2019re interested in the full deep dive on money for couples, pick up a copy. Every time I post one of my monthly budget breakdowns, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178814,"featured_media":2400,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"si-template-single-post-relationships-and-family.php","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37,35,36],"tags":[41,62],"class_list":["post-236","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-financial-independence","category-investing-and-taxes","category-spending-and-saving","tag-relationships-and-family","tag-popular-relationships-and-family"],"yoast_head":"\nHow We Combined Finances for Marriage - Money with Katie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/how-we-combined-finances-for-marriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How We Combined Finances for Marriage - Money with Katie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I go into much greater detail about marital finances (and the legal considerations therein!) in Chapter 4 of Rich Girl Nation, \u201cI Thee Wed (and Spend Thy Bread.\u201d If you\u2019re interested in the full deep dive on money for couples, pick up a copy. 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